Heather Dodds: Fish Troller Extraordinaire
What I Did Today:
Today I went to the lake where my grandpa made me drive his boat at 4 MPH for AN HOUR AND A HALF so he could "troll for fish." This involves me sitting at the wheel, feeling my melanocytes slowly becoming malignant as the sun fries my arms, and having my anal grandpa, who is facing backwards, shout warnings to me AFTER i have passed obstructions. "Watch out for that log!" he'd yell, a good minute and a half after I had successfully bypassed the log.
Meanwhile, I'm staring at all the normal people out wakeboarding, tubing, and actually GETTING IN THE WATER as it is 105 degrees outside, and we are on a LAKE. Instead, I got to sit at the wheel and stare at this stupid fish finder monitor showing NO FISH, as the water is like 80 feet deep. Every once in a while, G-Pa's fishing line would get tangled, and he'd have me but the boat in neutral so he could get situated. I don't know if you've ever driven a boat, but you can't steer when boats are in neutral. So, we'd start to drift. "TURN THE DAMN WHEEL," he'd shout, and I'd say, "I can't, I'm in neutral." "What are you in neutral for?"
Because you told me to, jackass. Needless to say, no fish were caught, and I will be dying young due to skin cancer. What a day.
More tales of my Summer of Unemployment are on the way. Stay tuned.
Today I went to the lake where my grandpa made me drive his boat at 4 MPH for AN HOUR AND A HALF so he could "troll for fish." This involves me sitting at the wheel, feeling my melanocytes slowly becoming malignant as the sun fries my arms, and having my anal grandpa, who is facing backwards, shout warnings to me AFTER i have passed obstructions. "Watch out for that log!" he'd yell, a good minute and a half after I had successfully bypassed the log.
Meanwhile, I'm staring at all the normal people out wakeboarding, tubing, and actually GETTING IN THE WATER as it is 105 degrees outside, and we are on a LAKE. Instead, I got to sit at the wheel and stare at this stupid fish finder monitor showing NO FISH, as the water is like 80 feet deep. Every once in a while, G-Pa's fishing line would get tangled, and he'd have me but the boat in neutral so he could get situated. I don't know if you've ever driven a boat, but you can't steer when boats are in neutral. So, we'd start to drift. "TURN THE DAMN WHEEL," he'd shout, and I'd say, "I can't, I'm in neutral." "What are you in neutral for?"
Because you told me to, jackass. Needless to say, no fish were caught, and I will be dying young due to skin cancer. What a day.
More tales of my Summer of Unemployment are on the way. Stay tuned.
posted by heather at 2:00 PM
3 Comments:
I am nauseous at the thought of such an excursion...what with the heat, diesel fuel fumes wafting through the air, boat moving ever so slightly so your brain can't recover,and an old fart yelling at you (boy, I hope he doesn't read this)...it rates up there with what I don't want to do with MY summer or what I don't want to be when I grow up!
He won't read this--he has a computer, but he turns it on like once a year because he hasn't yet mastered the art of the double click. He will sit there and click once...then wait, and click again...and then get so mad that he starts to beat on the mouse, so that it finally works, and then he says he will never use a computer again because they're so unreliable.
good thing....I'll most likely never meet the guy, however, if he reads your post, you might be in the middle of the lake - like..FOREVER!
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