Heather Dodds: Fish Troller Extraordinaire

What I Did Today:

Today I went to the lake where my grandpa made me drive his boat at 4 MPH for AN HOUR AND A HALF so he could "troll for fish." This involves me sitting at the wheel, feeling my melanocytes slowly becoming malignant as the sun fries my arms, and having my anal grandpa, who is facing backwards, shout warnings to me AFTER i have passed obstructions. "Watch out for that log!" he'd yell, a good minute and a half after I had successfully bypassed the log.

Meanwhile, I'm staring at all the normal people out wakeboarding, tubing, and actually GETTING IN THE WATER as it is 105 degrees outside, and we are on a LAKE. Instead, I got to sit at the wheel and stare at this stupid fish finder monitor showing NO FISH, as the water is like 80 feet deep. Every once in a while, G-Pa's fishing line would get tangled, and he'd have me but the boat in neutral so he could get situated. I don't know if you've ever driven a boat, but you can't steer when boats are in neutral. So, we'd start to drift. "TURN THE DAMN WHEEL," he'd shout, and I'd say, "I can't, I'm in neutral." "What are you in neutral for?"

Because you told me to, jackass. Needless to say, no fish were caught, and I will be dying young due to skin cancer. What a day.

More tales of my Summer of Unemployment are on the way. Stay tuned.

Cheesecake

Heather and I both have very refined tastes when it comes to cheesecake. I, for the most part, do not prefer cheesecake. Why, you ask? It's a dessert that is made from CHEESE. Come now, people. Why stray from basics like chocolate, milk, flour? Why stray into a completely different food group that has nothing to do with carb and just reminds me of France? Honestly.

Therefore, I will only eat cheesecake if it is covered in some sort of gooey sugary substance that resembles frosting or syrup. This usually means fake strawberry sauce studded with real frozen strawberry halves. Mmm. A Cheese-based dessert has suddenly been transformed into an edible delicacy.

Heather will only eat cheesecake plain. Why, you ask? Because she HATE HATE HATES the fake strawberry sauce. I still love her, though, because I'm just THAT good of a person.

This posed a problem once when we decided that instead of going to class (it was a five-minute walk away and we were standing in front of food) we should eat cheesecake instead. I think I agreed to this because the alternative was going to class since I will normally turn down cheesecake (my favorite thing at the Cheesecake Factory--the baskets of bread they just keep bringing. Its amazing.).

We wander over to look in the glass case to choose our piece of cheesecake (we have to split everything because we're too poor to buy two, seriously). There, laying side by side in the glass case are two cheesecakes. One is plain and one is fake-strawberry. Immediately, I remembered Heather's aversion to the fake strawberries. But, Heather wasn't going to eat cheesecake if I didn't eat any and since I really didn't want to disappoint her, I suggested we get cheesecake with fake strawberries ON THE SIDE. Unfortunately, the high-class eatery we were visiting didn't have on the side strawberries because they buy these cheesecakes frozen. From the grocery store.

We then came to the conclusion that the easiest possible solution was to get the strawberry cheesecake and just remove the strawberries from half of the cheesecake because I love Heather THAT MUCH. Four knives, two forks, and three plates later, we failed. Amazingly enough, we still managed to finish the cheesecake.

Now, recently, I overheard two girls in passing, discussing either fast food or cheesecake. I'm not sure which because this is what I heard:

"But have you ever tried Jack in the Box cheesecake?!?!?! Its amazing..."

Jack in the Crack sells cheesecake? Does anyone else have a problem with this?